If you squint and think really hard, you can just about see what was trying to be accomplished here. This is a terrible film and Wahlberg is terrible in it, yet as this list demonstrates it is also not his worst film by a mile. Where did Jonathan Demme’s homage (a remake of Charade starring Anna Karina, Charles Aznavour and Agnès Varda) go wrong? Was it the moment when he decided to cast Wahlberg in the Cary Grant role? Well, yes, obviously. Not even having Will Ferrell as a foil can save him. Daddy’s Home (and its even worse sequel) is a rare oddity, in that Wahlberg spends the duration actively attempting to be funny and missing by acres. There are generally two types of Wahlberg film: the films in which he knows that he is funny, and the films in which he doesn’t understand that he is funny. No laughing matter … Wahlberg with Linda Cardellini and Will Ferrell in Daddy’s Home. Nobody knows for sure, which is why it’s all the way down here. If it’s the latter, it might be the best performance of his career. Did he read this script – about plants causing people to commit suicide with telepathy – and think, “Wow, this is great, I’m going to do my best acting here!” Or did he think, “This film stinks, better ham it all the way up”? If it’s the former, this is the worst film ever. The big question about The Happening is whether or not Wahlberg knew it would turn out to be terrible. The nicest thing you can say about this film is that Wahlberg’s character doesn’t seem to want to have sex with his own daughter in this one, as he did in the previous instalment. However, this film still had to be made to accomplish this, and people still paid to see it – an unfollowable mishmash of sludgy CGI and berserk Arthurian legend. On the plus side, the decision to transform the incomprehensible Transformers series into a Wahlberg vehicle seems to have finally killed the franchise off for good. Worse still, he left Matt Damon’s role in Ocean’s 11 to make this nonsense. Eventually, though, it fell to Wahlberg, who accepted the role without reading a script. During its arduous development, Tom Cruise and Arnold Schwarzenegger were both attached to play the lead. Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes is destined to go down in infamy. Photograph: 20th Century Fox/Sportsphoto/Allstar Marky Mark and the monkey bunch … Wahlberg and Helena Bonham Carter in Planet of the Apes.
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